paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Randomize
