I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Randomize
