come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
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