I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
