did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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