highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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