I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Randomize
