my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
