guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
