I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
