i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
That accounts for only three of the penises
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Randomize
