i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
