i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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