ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
