If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
