He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
