Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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