i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I have tasted many bathrooms
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
