Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
