Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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