You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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