Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Terrible idea I love it
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
