Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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