I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I want to fling myself into the sun
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Randomize
