Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Randomize
