On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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