You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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