my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
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