we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
