Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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