well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
It's blow job season.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
