glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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