I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
