You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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