Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
me + whiskey = a bad person
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
