you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
