I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
