I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
