So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
