I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
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