I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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