Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
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