My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
