his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
