Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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