This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
