Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
