So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
