They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
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