OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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