I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
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