I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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