If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
