Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
