Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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