the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
